“Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict, alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence.”

― Dorothy Thompson

This article is the third in our series around Tips for Leaning into Difficult Conversations. In our first article, we covered the topic of approaches to conflict, and specifically, being intentional about your approach when dealing with difficult situations. Our second article covered how to deliver difficult feedback. In this article, let’s talk about how you invite feedback about your behavior from the other person.

Taking a difficult conversation with a person is tough on its own. That person may be caught off guard or even feel attacked so it is important to them that you can have a real dialogue, one that includes you inviting feedback that you need to hear. It’s easy to want to go into a situation and tell somebody else, here’s what I’m not like that you’re doing, or here’s what I need you to change. It’s easy to run that list, but it’s important to remember that this person likely has some feedback for you and their leader that will help support their success. Being welcoming and inviting to receiving that constructive feedback is key to improving as a leader.

Inviting AND receiving feedback builds your credibility with your team, period. It helps you demonstrate that you are approachable and that people should feel comfortable talking to you knowing you will listen and respect what they have to say. It also lets people know that you are welcoming the opportunity to learn and grow from the feedback they have for you, and it lets others know that you can listen without taking it personally. If you are a manager or leader of business units, this is huge for building the rapport and connectedness of the team. You have positional power from your role, and most people respect that. However, relying solely on positional power will NOT breed the trust and respect that high-performing teams exhibit.

“People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.”

― John C. Maxwell

Let’s talk about the tips we have for you to invite and receive feedback in a mature, respectful way with your team.

Tip 1 – It’s Okay to Ask for More Information

You want to ask for information and it’s okay to ask for more information, however, you want to ask in a way that communicates what you are trying to understand and not defend. So, ask for that information with a tone of understanding and seeking to understand.

Tip 2 – Summarize

As you truly listen to what the person is saying, paraphrase back to the person to make sure that you’re understanding what they’re saying. The goal is to ensure you are capturing their feedback in a way that makes sense to you and is also accurate to what they are saying. 

Tip 3 – No Negative Self-Talk

During the conversation, do not start talking negatively about yourself because that can derail the conversation. You can also make that person feel uncomfortable. You can agree that you have this as development or learning opportunity but no need to go down a rabbit hole of despair.

Stay tuned for the next article in our leadership blog,

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